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In Summer in my Veins, Nishit filmed the moment when he told me about his
sexuality, that he was gay. I don’t think any other parent would have quite
that kind of coming out moment, but in their own way, our children are
always talking to us, trying to tell us about their lives, even when they
can’t say it out in so many words. Sometimes it is us who cannot bring
ourselves to listen, or to even realize that there is something in the minds
of our children they cannot share with us. The truth is that it is hard to come to terms with a child being gay in India. Little can prepare you for it, and most of us will almost never have even imagined the possibility. But my experience with Nishit, from accepting his sexuality to then losing him, has reminded me about what is most important about being parents – that we love and accept our children for who they are, and that their sexuality doesn’t change the person that you have always known them to be. Knowing that they are safe with us will help them through their own struggles in life, and even with their own acceptance of who they are. I often wished I had had other support during those days. I want now to be a safe space for other parents. Over the years, I have spoken to many parents who have approached me reading about my story in the papers or seeing it on TV. I don’t claim to have all the answers, and I know that every family lives in different circumstances, but as a mother who has gone through what I have, I want to encourage other parents to talk to me and to each other if one of their children, or someone in their family, is gay. I think Nishit would have been happy that I was doing this, and that a foundation in his memory must also take this task on. Please email me at support@nishitsaranfoundation.org . Lets just start talking to each other, and we shall see how the conversation goes from there, at a pace and in a way with which we are all comfortable. I hope to talk to you soon. In the meantime, I urge you to click on the links below for some initial and very simple reading on sexuality, both as a parent and to understand better what your loved one is going through.
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